38

Another year. I know to some this number is quite modest, and to others may be daunting, and to me it just is. But it has brought me to once again ponder the great questions of life, and the handful of answers I have found, answers that from time to time need re-examining. I have always been a believer in new beginnings, in the next sunrise, the advent of another year. This year I felt some fatigue; and wondered. Was there really a point in fighting the same battles; taking ground only to lose it, and retake it again? In the final summation what would be gained? It's a tragic and beautiful thing this life is; so massively misunderstood. But even in the midst of that I can't help but feel it is rarely misused. Life. A four letter word to be sure, but a word that binds us all.

Over recent days I was blessed to sit and listen to a man of God who sees better than I do, and be grateful that in the listening I could hear. For a few hours he reminded me of answers I had, and gave me answers I didn't know I sought. Answers about the power of God to redeem and his willingness to do so. Answers about drawing distinctions among the burdens I carry; about the difference between sin and adversity and that the weight of the two is not the same. My sins I must own, but the adversity I can leave at the door, His door.

There are a great many men that do better than I, but that is not the yardstick by which I will be measured. I have lost so much time in fearing a future that may be no better than my past. I have lumber under the weight of the best that is never done. I have hid ashamed and shrinking in the shadows that have gone before me. There must be a way to let it go. Let it fall from me like the unwanted serpent's skin that it is. And there is...

I seek Him, and that is enough; I must allow myself to take refuge in that.